Jokes of the Month

The OttawaFreeBee jokes of the month page will be updated periodically during the month and will reset monthly. If you have a joke you want to share with us, please use the form at the bottom of this page and we'll consider adding it to our page. Please do not send any adult jokes or anything offensive. If you do find a joke listed below that is offensive to you, please let us know by emailing us and we'll look into it. Please keep in mind these are jokes and meant to be taken lightly for humour. Enjoy!!

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV the old man shouted ...

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

A man left work Friday afternoon, but, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, hunting with the boys and spending his paycheck without telling his wife.

When he appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry spouse, who barraged him for two hours with a tirade of yelling.

Finally, she stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

So, Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

A guy walks into a dentist's office and flops right down on the couch.

"Doc", he says, "Here's the problem. I think I'm a moth"

"Well", says the doctor, "That certainly is a problem, but why did you come into a dentist's office?"

"The light was on."

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.

"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"

"A penis," replied madame deGaulle.

A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer, and no one knew what to say next.

Le Grand Charles leaned to his wife and said, "Ma chérie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word: 'appiness'."

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